New ideas of 'courtly love' dominated the period
Lore, song and literature written for royal entertainment quickly spread and gave rise to the concept of courtly love. Tales of knights who were willing to sacrifice everything for honor and the love of their maiden encouraged this style of courtship.
.jpg)
Rather than sex or marriage, love was the focus, and characters rarely ended up together. Instead, tales of courtly love depicted lovers admiring each other from far away, and normally ended in tragedy. Interestingly, it has been theorized that ideas of courtly love benefited noblewomen. Since chivalry supposedly held women in such high regard and men were supposed to be devoted to them, women were able to exercise more authority and power in the household.
This was particularly pronounced with an emerging class of wealthy townsfolk who owned significant material goods. In addition to demonstrating love through obedience, it was now more usual for women to be the head of the family and control all important matters when the lord was away, in return for his love and honor. Chivalric codes became a useful tool for a more balanced marriage. Naturally, these benefits did not extend to poorer women.
In spite of the lovelorn image painted by chivalric ideals, medieval courtship among more wealthy members of society was normally a matter of parents negotiating as a means of increasing family power or wealth. Often, young people wouldn't meet their future spouses until after the marriage had already been arranged, and even if they did, their courtship was tightly monitored and controlled.
It was only among the lower classes that people consistently married for love, since there was little to be gained materially from marrying one person versus another. In general, however, peasants often never married, since there was little need for a formal exchange of property.
Marriage was deemed to be acceptable as soon as puberty hit – for girls from around age 12 and boys 14 – so betrothals were sometimes made at a very young age. It is said that women first gained the right to propose marriage in Scotland in 1228, which then caught on in the rest of Europe. However, this is more likely a rumored romantic notion that had no basis in law.
Marriage didn't have to take place in a church
According to the medieval church, marriage was an inherently virtuous sacrament that was a sign of God's love and grace, with marital sex being the ultimate symbol of human union with the divine. The church communicated its ideas about marital sanctity with its laypeople. However, how much they were followed is unclear.